Teh Baltic Correspondent

The above headline had brought most traffic to this weeble blog. Thus, I thought I should tell you what I have learnt about watches.

1) Yves Camani is real!
Yes, it is a watch. So are Königswerks, Calvaneos and all the possible eBay brands. I bet my ass they work just fine. Just remember, there may be some clocksmiths who do not want to touch these models - whether it is the poor quality or disrespect to eBay platform, I cannot tell.

2) Yves Camani is not real!
No, the brands are not "real" brands, as Rolex once used to be. They are constructed somewhere, assembled elsewhere and the hefty pricetag is there just to increase the image. They do not have any real history, except the story the owner of the brand has created. They are not worn by Hollywood nor any other rich or famous people.

3) Yves Camani is as real as you believe it is!
Why you want to know whether it is real or not? Buying a status item, but cannot afford a real handmade Swiss? Are you afraid it is a cheap bootleg? You buy it, you wear it, and believe in it. It looks just as good as you do!

Practically, these branding companies seem to just carve their names on watches of decent quality. If they look fine, they may even be fine. But, just keep in mind they do not have the history they are using in marketing. Hell, I can find a fashion house today, and brand it as "1662", and you may be fooled to think that is the year my anchestors began their operations if you feel like it.

I don't want to judge these eBay brands, as the products themselves may be just fine. I have a "branded" watch myself - Cerruti 1881. And I believe you all know this fashion house does not specialize in time pieces. It is assembled in India/Switzerland, has some gold somewhere and is heavy as hell.

I could have as well bought some Formula One sponsor brand (cannot just now remember which was the made-up brand), or taken a watch from any other wannabe -brand. I almost did, but the seller of Yves Camani never accepted my payment! Strangely, a German clocksmith was fine with the same card, selling me a Lacroix and this Cerruti piece. Perhaps they were not the season's newest models, but time is timeless, and so are stylish watches.

Ho-ho-hoe.
The winter solictice in coming and soon it is the time to escape the Krampus, eat herrings and drink Coke. Not much Christianity in the feast, but then again, it never was a Christian feast in the beginning.

When I was a kid, we always had chocolate calerdars to make the 24/25 days to feel even longer. Not only did you have to wait for the evening to unwrap the presents (where I am from, we did the party on 24th day), but for the coming morning to get a shitty German piece of chocolate. Those candies were horrible, but for a child they still had some brown and sugary magic in them. Perhaps like D'Angelo for women.

Yesterday, I turned the tv on, and saw a commercial for a boob-calendar, Vakaru Zinios Mergaiciu Kalendorius, or such. Lithuanian wannabe-celebrities posing in minimal clothing. BS.

To celebrate this tasteless season of shopping, I present something as plasticky and tasteless:

Famous Women from Baltics gone nude! Woo-hoo! Ok, it's lame, or even hella-lame as Cartman once put it.

First, there is Oksana Pikul. She is nothing more and nothing less than a member of a famous Lithuanian girl band. They are not famous because of their golden voices, but due to their sticky-icky-plasticky breast enchancements. Here, she is before her career as a singer wishing you all a merry Christmas!

Then, to add some more northern spice to our Glühwein of nude girls, there is the wife of Risto-Matti Ratia. That is about all she is famous for in Finland, but in Estonia, she is some sort of a media personality. Here, she is posing for Playboy for 365 bottles of champagne. I bet she'll get some local brand like Alita or Rigas instead.

Now, all it requires is an addition from the lands of Ordo domus Sanctæ Mariæ Theutonicorum Hierosolimitanorum. That is Latvia, wherefrom these joyful German knights were raping and pillaging tastefully the whole region. So who shall it be.. ? No idea. Just go here, and find the local edition of Hefner's most famous and pick your own candidate.

That's about it. If you want to see more Baltic women gone tastefully naked, try a strip bar in London. Or fly to Tallinn or Riga!